Where Is The Love?

By Odette Flemming

Remember the days when Black love in all its beauty filled the airwaves and inspired some of the greatest love songs ever written. Can you think back to those songs that hailed your mate as the ultimate partner, lover and friend? Songs like the Stylistics’ “You Make Me Feel Brand New”, or Diana Ross and Luther Vandross singing “Endless Love” or “Always and Forever” from Heatwave. Those were the lyrics in the background of your daydream when you thought of all the wonderful reasons for sharing your life with your love. And sometimes they reminded you why you put up with their everyday shortcomings too.

Love and love songs have always been inseparable. Recently a group of friends and I were reminiscing about the days when brothers used to stay up late listening the QuietStorm on the radio, trying to tape the perftect songs to express his feelings for his girl. I thought back to the time my car was broken into outside the Palladium; it wasn’t the money or the new leather wallet or the driver’s license or even the piece of jewelry they stole that pissed me off. The thing that made me want to lose it was the fact that someone took my all time favorite slow jam tape. It was given to me by a long ago college boyfriend—custom made just for me. Listening to that tape made me remember that someone thought enough of me to spend his time selecting and taping those fourteen songs in that exact order, making the ideal soundtrack to our relationship.

Music is life. Music conditions our thinking and our loving. Put any words to music and they run on a continuous loop in your mind and your spirit. So spiritually speaking our current urban playlist is on E. If the typical Top 40 song playing on the radio reflects your love/sex life then you’ve got some serious drama going on. If “drop down and get your eagle on” sums up your relationship – take a time out. Lyrics like “show me what you’re made of, girl, pick up your skirt” say a lot about how brothers are being programmed to relate to sisters. First, you should act like a woman’s only value exists between her navel and her knees. Second, you think sisters should somehow appreciate the fact that you’re “gangsta enough to step to her straight up.” Third, and most important, that sistas aren’t worth the time or the effort it takes for you to get real, and expose yourself as a caring brother who needs love too. Being in love takes courage, exposing your feelings – now that’s gangsta! Don’t let music executives program the love out of our relationships. When it’s all said and done, how much sex you’ve had doesn’t elevate your status, just your child support payments.

Any two year old can put a round peg into a round hole, especially if it feels good. But what about the other stuff that makes love fun and safe sex worthwhile? Can you put in some quality time outside of the bedroom? Whether you’re a one-minute man or a “don’t stop till the break a dawn” type brother, it’s still just bangin’ out if the heart is missing. Will you put time into the conversations, the corny jokes,and the long walks? Can you take the time to figure out what makes him laugh or the one thing that drives her wild? ‘Cause falling in love is all about a slow dance and a slow kiss to the perfect slow song. So while you’re programming your iPod with the soundtrack of your life, add a few more slow jams - and this time make them sweet