Prelude to a Kiss

By Odette Flemming

Richard always considered himself something of a don. He dressed with style, spoke with ease and had a way with the ladies. Richard drove the right car and took his dates to the right places, but somehow relationships never moved to the level of intimacy he secretly craved. He had plenty of sex, alright, but that seemed to be all. One day Richard met Barbara, a stunningly attractive, talented sister who had a gift for speaking her mind. She was the first woman to ever ask him why he had taken her out, wined and dined her, and was now feeling her up, but never tried to kiss her and moved when she tried to kiss him. He answered her honestly saying, “I’m not into kissing”. Huh?

Yes ladies, there is a growing number of brothers out there who don’t get “into kissing”. Maybe as a hopeless romantic raised on Harlequin Romance novels and “For the Love of Ivy” that one is a bit hard to swallow. Coming of age in the 1980’s when love songs sold over blatant sex talk; kissing was a part of the natural mysticism. There was a system and kissing was the first big step. That first kiss let you know if you wanted to go any further or just call it a night. Don’t guys know that the ‘not kissing’ rule is reserved for professional hoes and career skettles?

Today, it’s all about self preservation. The fear of getting hurt, exposing your feelings and letting your guard down is too much. If you want to ‘get with’ someone, it’s usually because you really like them so naturally you hope they like you too. If they don’t ‘like you like that’ you feel played. For many brothers it’s just too risky to be out there catchin’ feelings. They have to maintain an image of holding it down in the sexual arena. A man cannot afford to flop, especially with the system trying hard to convince sisters they aren’t needed (don’t you believe it). So to make it easier sex becomes a transaction—I buy you a cosmopolitan and later you let me tap it. Each party is ‘satisfied’, and their hearts remain safe. But it is the intimacy not the sex that is the whole purpose for living: sex can’t make loneliness go away.

One unnamed player had this to say, “I don’t think that it’s because guys are not into kissing, but it’s because kissing is just too intimate. Kissing is a no-no for guys who consider themselves players, too much to lose. Getting caught up is not what a so called player is looking for. Let’s look at it a bit deeper, if your game is all about just the sex, why would you want to get emotionally involved? So don’t get too caught up with the idea that a brother doesn’t want to kiss. It’s just too personal.”

He may be just one man, but he reps many, many, many brothers and sisters, too. We have got to stop allowing fear to ruin our dating lives. You’ll never find that special someone if you don’t allow yourself to experience them intimately. The only way that is going to happen is if you share the real you: fearlessly. Kissing is one of the simplest, most pressure-free ways to move any relationship forward. Remember, not too hard, not too soft, not too wet and not too dry…there you go. The lips have it together, what about you?