“Never Scared!!” Lyrics to date by. These words, first brought to light by Sizzla, have been sung by people of all ages, but did they really mean it? It’s hard to tell. Fear can be a b*tch in a culture where it translates into weakness. It is one of those things that we take great pains to hide from those around us. We can hide it from our kids, our parents, our bosses and pastors, but the one place that fear can always be found is in our love relationships …or the lack of one.

Society causes a constant feeling of insecurity. No matter what you have going on in your life, there is pressure to do better. Own a better car, buy a bigger house, earn more money, or get a better job. You can always look better by working out, buying designer clothes, and , of course, dieting. And if all else fails, go under the knife. The way that we are living today fills us with stress about the unattainable. One of the biggest dreams being lost is the dream of finding someone who truly loves and accepts us for who we are. It’s easier to hide behind fashion trends and material gains than to expose yourself to being hurt, or betrayed, or even obsessively loved [which can lead to abuse].

What does fear sound like in a relationship? It sounds like “If I tell him the truth about my past, he may not love me anymore”, or “If she finds out that I didn’t finish college, she may never go out with me again”. Fear also sounds like “If he really loved me, he wouldn’t talk to his baby’s mama anymore” or “How comes all of sudden she wan’ get inna shape, she a look man”? Fear and love cannot exist in the same place. If you spend more time worrying about losing him, than showing that you love him, fear will ruin your love life!! If you’d rather accuse her of flirting, than give her the attention she deserves, fear will kill your relationship!

Most adults, if asked, will cop to fearing things like death, heights, dogs or public speaking. Very few people will say, “I am scared to death of being intimate with someone.” That’s because being intimate, not just sexual, means letting your guard down, opening yourself up to a significant other. To the majority of adults, that’s unacceptable or worse, unwise. In a world where we have more to lose than ever before, why would anyone choose to risk it all for something as uncertain as love? God only knows we have enough distractions to keep us from noticing how empty our lives become when our singleness isn’t a choice. There are clubs and churchs, hanging with the brothas, and casual relationships that conveniently fill up time and needs. Then you wake up at 35 or 40 and wonder who you’ll live out your years with.

Everyone has imperfections and finding the right person simply means we have found the one who comes with the most acceptable “baggage”. While there is no such thing as perfection, fear of not being worthy shouldn’t lead you to settle for less than you deserve either. Love is about trial and error, and unfortunately you have to go all out to test its staying power. Don’t let fear convince you to only give 30% so that way if it doesn’t work, you’ll still be ‘aiight’. You’ve got to give it all to get it all; so go for it. The next time you are looking at that sista that you’ve been wanting to ask out, or you’re with that brotha who wants you to share his life, think of your new love motto: “Never Scared!”