The Wait and See Relationship

By Odette Flemming

You just got home from a great date. You laughed, talked, had a great meal, and walked along the Brooklyn Promenade holding hands. This guy could be ‘the one’. You like where his head is and you both seem to have similar life goals. Wow, this was really refreshing. Especially after a string of really bad dates that ended with you wondering why after suffering through an evening with ‘Mr. Wrong’ you now had to go ten rounds with his alter ego ‘Dr. Octopus’ to get him out of your foyer. And thank God for Caller ID. But ‘the one’ doesn’t call you the next day to say how much he enjoyed your company. And he doesn’t call by the weekend to ask what your plans are and if you’d like to catch a movie. After a week of creating logical excuses as to why he’s not “in touch”…ding! the bell goes off and you realize he’s not going to call. After another full week of questioning everything from breath to hemline you move, a bit less confidently, back into the dating vortex.

Or let’s make this scenario worse. You went on a great date that didn’t end on the Promenade, it ended in your bed. Now you had great conversation, share life goals, and had really great sex with ‘the one’. But its 9 pm the next night and he hasn’t called, or taken your calls for that matter. So you try being “new millennium cool” and wait it out. You don’t want him thinking you’re walking on the other side of crazy so you chill out and act like nothing happened. Two days, three days, now you are pissed off… but this guy doesn’t blow you off. He resurrects himself on the third day (like he’s the second coming) and starts into the “so how have you been” conversation. You challenge the no call zone he’s been in and he tells you the dreaded… “We had a great time together and I want to keep seeing you, but it’s too soon to make any commitments, you know. Let’s just take it one step and a time and see what happens.”

The ‘wait and see’ is even worse than the not calling because you can get hooked on him, dreaming about houses and naming your two big headed kids, while he’s waiting a seeing. Seeing what you may want to know. He’s not waiting and seeing if you are virtuous or honest or would be a good woman in his life. Nope, he’s waiting and seeing if there will be any better prospects passing by that he would miss out on. And while he’s got you on hold, he also has booty access because you gave it up on the first night so what are you gonna say now – ‘I think we should wait and see’? You should be showing him the door but instead you waste your time trying to prove yourself to him. Women run this game on brothers too, that whole ‘he may not be Mr. Right but he’s Mr. Right Now’ thing is alive and well in clubs near you.

We’ve got to stop doing this to each other. An old friend once said, “Dating is like a business deal, you have to learn how to cut your losses early if the deal is not mutually beneficial.” And he’s right. Don’t linger with someone who doesn’t respect you or your time. Don’t allow yourself the luxury of wasting weeks, months and years trying to sort out what your relationship ‘means’. It ought to be clear from the get go. Save yourself years of sistafriend- and cinema- therapy wondering why. Just let it go. Pick up your self-respect and try it again.

Life is too short folks! You only have the blink of an eye to find someone who is worthy of your heart, someone to trust and build a relationship with. Don’t waste your “pretty years” on that guy who is just not that into you. Be into yourself.

This article is written in loving memory of Claudette Flemming Johnson. Her dedication to her marriage and family was a testament to her fearless and committed love for God and her soul mate. Twenty four years of marriage, two daughters and one grandson later she was called home suddenly…but she went on in peace because her life was fulfilled. Finding that lasting happiness is what dating is really all about!