You were together for a while and things were good, maybe even great, between you. Then one day you start to feel like the relationship has changed. You don’t talk like you used to, don’t go out as much. Even your extraordinary ‘brag-about-it-to-your-girls’ sex life has become, well, ordinary. The handwriting is clearly on the wall that is chapter is about the close. One problem. You seem to be the only one who thinks anything is wrong. In one of your ‘honey-we-need-to-talk’ sessions this once sweet, caring, attentive man says, “What, is leave yuh think yuh gon’ leave me, is war yuh want?” What?!

Watching the headlines these days can send a single sister running to the nearest specialty store for her sexual satisfaction. When your life could be the ultimate price, does a little lovin’ and companionship even rate? Lately the news has been filled with disturbing stories involving jilted lovers and stalkers gone wild. “Man Kills His Estranged Girlfriend and Cuts Her Heart Out” “Man Stabs Wife and Mother-in-Law to Death on Front Lawn” “Man Sets Blaze that Kills Five Over Jealousy” Unfortunately, these are just the highlights, or should I say, lowlights.

Relationship and Ownership are not one in the same. A relationship is made up of two people who can ‘relate’ to each other on many levels. When one or both cease to relate --- it’s a wrap. Let it go! As a good friend said to me, “Don’t let the pum pum or the tun tun drive you crazy. It’s not worth the jail time.” If someone chooses to exercise their right not to be in a relationship, so be it. Let them know it’s their loss. But don’t take their life or compromise your freedom!

These days more and more people look outside of themselves for validation, status and a sense of belonging. Brothers are hanging their personal identity on the “honeys’’ they pull, and sisters, you aren’t all clean in this one either. Let some sisters get with a brother who seems to fit all the requirements to be her ‘man for life’. She will try to lock him down, and then brok’ fight pon any likkle chicken whe come roun’ ‘im. The fear of being left by the person they idolize shows up as jealousy, possessiveness, manipulation and abuse: which can be physical, sexual or emotional. By the way, any time someone puts their hands on you they have made themselves clear. They do not respect you! In that situation, document it and, most importantly – leave!

Back to the matter at hand, break ups aren’t easy. But there are usually signs you’re your partner has Ricki Lake tendencies! Someone always feels played, sometimes both parties do, but that’s part of it. Remember relationships are defined by you, they don’t define you. If you take it step by step and understand that the real purpose of a relationship is to help us learn different things about ourselves, then we can look for the lesson and keep it moving. Look, everyone wants that one person who is a keeper, the one who knows you better than anyone else and knows the little things that make you feel special. And when you think you’ve found them, it may take hell for you to let them go when the time comes. But have faith, God doesn’t take anything away unless He plans to replace it with something better. So chill, be patient, study your life lessons and practice being the best you possible. This advice may not be easy, but it’s simple.