The Life You Save...

By Odette Flemming

It’s Saturday night and you just got back to the crib with a cutie that’s been playing hard to get since you met her. She invites you up and you start to think that tonight might just be your night. Then you remember that you did the unthinkable, you left home without any gloves. In the back of your mind you start to sweat because you’ve got home plate in your scope and you’re closing in. ‘No glove, no love’ is flashing on the backs of your eyelids like a neon sign but she hasn’t batted an eye. She’s ready. No questions asked. You pause and begin wonder if she’s always so carefree, or rather, careless with her body. Then you ease off because ‘sex nice but the AIDS thing will make you die like flowers / die off like flowers…’

In 2004 it is all about the ‘C’ word. You’ve heard them called by many names like raincoats, rubbers, jimmies, hats, and gloves, but what they should be called is lifesavers. In a candid conversation with a friend, let’s call him Brother X, I was given a sneak peak into the love-hate relationship that many brothers have with condoms. “I hate them”, he starts out, “First of all it’s latex, so there’s nothing you can do to it, ribbing, ultra- thin, whatever that’s gonna make it feel natural. Women are like ‘what’s the big deal’, but the whole point of having sex is feeling your surroundings—with condoms it’s like kissing through cellophane. Then, next, they break your rhythm. Men are under tremendous pressure to keep the mood going. There you are trying to be smooth, in the dark, and open this little packet that must have been designed by a nuclear physicist who never gets any! Then, you’ve got to make sure they’re accessible, just in case. Guys don’t carry them in their wallets anymore, that’s for high school, and what if they fall out of your pocket before you’re sure, now she’s like ‘I hope you didn’t think you were getting some’! Women have the upper hand in this situation because a woman knows when she’s planning to have sex with a man, but for us guys, we might as well be Miss Cleo! All that said; I never have sex without ‘em. They save you not only from disease, but from financial ruin. Take it from me, I am paying college tuition at age 38 because I didn’t suit up 18 years ago!”

Let’s face it, most brothers finding themselves in the scenario above, would go for it. It seems like more people than ever are choosing casual sex. But more partners mean more exposure to social diseases, pregnancy risk, death, and plain old low quality sexual experiences. Therefore fewer partners should equal more thoughtful and better quality sex. Or better yet, one really good partner opens the doorway to ecstasy. But try convincing some cats that less is more in this BET culture of ménage a trois or even quatre. Think about it, a good hearty meal always beats out a plate full of appetizers. If you simply have one steady partner, you can both get tested and, once you know your status, ditch your sexual outerwear altogether!

But in the meantime, while you are still out there searching to find the one, stay suited up. Make it fun. Visit a condom specialty store with your partner; no one says you have to be limited to the selection at the bodega! Experiment with shape, scent, color or texture. Also, don’t risk losing spontaneity, keep condoms strategically hidden throughout your home so you’re always ready when the mood strikes. And if none of these tips enhance the relationship between you and your latex friends, here are a few things to keep in mind that will make you love your condoms, or at least tolerate them: HIV, AIDS, gonorrhea, syphilis, Chlamydia, herpes, and the list goes on. Like Brother X says, “Love ‘em or hate ‘em, but don’t have sex without ‘em. The life you save may be your own.”