By Odette Flemming

Let’s talk about that other C. The Other C, unlike the Big O may not seem like a lot of fun, but it’s necessary from time to time. This is about celibacy. Yes, the same celibacy that means actually choosing not to be sexually active. It can also mean taking time to get your sexual mind right.

If you are actively dating, you know, going out regularly with different people and developing relationships with them, at some point you need to hit the pause button and figure out what’s working for you and what isn’t. How can you make the right life decisions when the sex might have your mind messed up? Tyrone may have it goin’ on in the bed, but can’t hold down a job and gets drunk every weekend with your money! Kim may be the hottest thing to ever put on a teddy, but she curses and disrespects you when she doesn’t get her way. Yeah they have ‘issues’, but you’d be crazy to leave that extra-specially good lovin’. Right? Not necessarily.

A time out is in order when you find yourself getting caught up in the game of gaining and maintaining access to the cho-cha! Life is confusing in the year 2004. There are mixed messages flying in the music, on the television, in magazines and even today’s popular fiction is little more than porn with a plot. Sex is everywhere! It makes you think that there is something wrong with you if you’re not in the constant chase for the good stuff. But the truth is there is nothing wrong with being selective about sharing yourself. There will always be those who have such low self-esteem or lack of self control that their lives are controlled by their lower body parts. But there is more to the human sexual experience than a mating ritual on National Geographic. We are the only thinking creatures God made on this planet for a reason!

So if you decide that celibacy is for you does that mean you have to stop dating and having fun? Of course not. You may just have to make a few adjustments.

1. Know yourself: Know your triggers and your limits. If you know all it takes is a glass of wine and R. Kelly on the stereo to take you there, then chill on the wine and listen to Lil Jon when you’re alone with your date.
2. Be Open: Find time early in the date to talk about your decision. Let your date know before she is stripped down to her thong that you are abstaining from sex for a while and you’d like to take slow. It will remove that feeling of rejection later on.
3. Don’t Compromise: Once you have stated your case don’t let the promise of a 45 minute ride on the anaconda sway you. And don’t allow yourself to be pressured into going against your decision. If he pushes you, he’s not for you.
4. Be Fair: While you are celibate go out earlier in the day and choose less sexually charged environments. If you have brother man taking you home at 2 a.m. after you’ve been slow groovin’ at the club, understand what he is expecting.
5. Change Your Mind: When you find your mind stuck in a sex loop flip it! Stand up, go for a walk, call a friend, pray. Do whatever until the feeling passes. It will pass so don’t go running to Tyrone; you’ll probably regret it later.

Explore books on how to enjoy celibate dating. Read up on how to please yourself while your sex life is on the pause. It takes strength of character to put yourself, your health and your well-being first. Besides who has the power your or your hormones?

Know Your Status….Get Tested! There were five million new AIDS cases worldwide in 2003 and three millions deaths in the same year! The Caribbean accounts for almost 90,000 AIDS cases and about 100,000 New Yorkers are HIV positive!